Over the last few months I have written in
this newsletter ad nauseum (so I’ve
been told) of learning enough about what we teach, preach, confess, and believe
as Lutherans to apologize (defend) our faith in the face of false teachings and
untruths. This month, this Lent Season, I’d like us all to think about the other apology…
Some years back a teaching colleague and
Baptist friend of mine were having a spirited
chat about Christians and forgiveness. He offered this nugget of wisdom, which
I still carry in my faith’s back pocket to this day: “Unforgiveness is like
taking poison and hoping it kills the other person.” Why is forgiveness so easy
to speak of in the pew (or from the pulpit) and so difficult to “do” beyond the
sanctuary?
For God there are no unforgivable sins (though
some well-meaning Christians are fond of pointing out Matthew 12:32; however,
for the believer, no sin is unpardonable). Why, then, for the rest of us is the
list of transgressions for which retribution is the only answer so
long?!
I bring this up because a congregation is
like a family—well, it is a family—and
no family is perfect. A family is as imperfect as its members. And, let’s face
it, some families can be downright dysfunctional. Christian families are no
different. Scripture regularly reminds us of our seemingly infinite capacity
for dysfunction, for hurting the ones we love. We are, after all, sinners, at
odds with God from the day we were born.
Most of us associate human forgiveness (or
lack thereof) with an apology (or lack thereof)—even God’s forgiveness is
offered freely to apologetic (that is, repentant) sinners. Yet it’s easy
enough to make excuses when we hurt others, and some people (mostly men)
believe saying “I’m sorry” to be a sign of weakness. Some believe that an
apology is only needed to take the heat off; afterward, we can go back to
living with just one real concern: self.
According to Psychology Today, an “apology is not just a social nicety. It is an
important ritual, a way of showing respect and empathy for the
wronged person. It is also a way of acknowledging an act that, if otherwise
left unnoticed, might compromise the relationship. Apology has the ability to disarm
others of their anger and to prevent further misunderstandings.”
Forgiveness requires neither an apology nor
atonement to free the one who has suffered a transgression; however, the same
is not true for the transgressor. The burden is truly upon the sinner to mend
the fence, so to speak. Particularly for the believer before God, as Jesus
tells His disciples in Matthew 5:
“But I say to you that everyone who is
angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever
insults his brother will be liable to the council… So if you
are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has
something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be
reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”
Forgiveness is a personal response to an acknowledged
transgression for which the transgressor was clearly responsible. We say “You hurt me, but I am not going to
seek retribution, because I forgive you.” Then—right then—the debt is
cancelled. Jesus said that if we do not forgive others, God will not forgive us
(Matthew 6:14), yet I haven’t found anywhere in Scripture where that
forgiveness must be unconditional. Atonement, in contrast to forgiveness, is a
contrite acknowledgement of wrongdoing and any necessary reparation. Forgiveness
and atonement work together to repair broken relationships.
Forgiveness certainly frees us from anger
and resentment, but an apology—sincere repentance + the desire to “make it
right”—is truly the first step toward patching up, even renewing a damaged
relationship. When we mend our relationships with one another in Christian love,
we mend our relationship with God. And then our faith can truly receive the
forgiveness Christ won for us on the Cross.
(Just as Christ keeps forgiving us, so we
must keep on forgiving our fellow men. If this precept were observed, says
Luther in his exposition of Matthew 5:32, there would be fewer divorces.)
Until April, may the Lord’s Peace be with
you all!
Pastor E.B.
