A couple of years ago, a lawyer in California authored an
interesting article on divorce in America that showed up on the Communities
Digital News website. She notes that Millennials are responsible for a decline
in marriages (they are marrying later in life) and, consequently, a decline in
divorces; however, the average divorce occurs at year 12 and Millennials don't
quite fit the stat...yet. Encouraging as these declines may be, there's a more
disturbing statistic—among Baby Boomers, of which I'm one, divorce has been on
the serious incline since 1990, nearly doubling for 50+ and tripling for 65+.
According to Pew Research Center data, in 2017 nearly 8 in 10
Millennials with low levels of religious commitment describe themselves as
atheists, agnostics or “nothing in particular.” My guess is that as these
Millennials get to the 12-year average their divorce rate will spike—and I'm
certain that church, or lack thereof, in their lives will play an integral
role. To understand divorce, one must first understand marriage (as a covenant
made between a man, a woman, and God, not a biological mating ritual).
Sadly, many folks, both in and out of church, view marriage as
a contract (maybe not necessarily made to be broken, but surely not ironclad). In
a Pastoral Theology class in seminary, the students were presented a list of
case scenarios to choose from and then formulate a pastoral response. I chose
the following...
Case Scenario: A female member in your parish tells you
that she is seeking a divorce from her husband because he (an unbeliever, not a
member of your congregation or any other that you know of) has “abandoned the
marriage” by his refusal to get a job and support her and their children. What
should be done?
Such a case study scenario, as the one above, seems all too
real in a fallen world in which just about everything is disposable, including
marriage—divorce is rampant in America (876,000 per year). From my point of
view, it seems all too easy to simply corral a contentious couple intent on
dissolving their marriage and, before suggesting marital counseling, invoke
these words from the wedding ceremony, “What God has joined together, let no one
put asunder.” However, since the time of the Reformation, troubled marriages
have plagued the consciences of even the most well-intentioned of pastors. As
the wife in this scenario argues for divorce, so God must certainly argue for
reconciliation. As for the question at hand (What should be done?),
there is no one-size-fits-all, easy answer.
As Lutheran reformers attempted to refocus marriage practices
within the framework of God’s intention, it became more evident that the
destructive force of sin upon human relationships complicates what constitutes
the legitimate need for divorce to be considered; our church relies upon only
two verses as the criteria (Matthew 19:18—adultery, 1 Corinthians
7:15—abandonment or desertion) against which to validate the decision to
dissolve that which God Himself created.
In addressing the case scenario, several facts are obvious: a)
adultery is not the catalyst for the wife’s desire for divorce, b) God, from
His Word, intends for the faithful to remain married and that marriage is not
contractual, but a covenant between a man, woman, and God, c)
God’s will is for believers to marry believers, d) divorce is permitted,
but only as a result of death. One inference bubbling to the surface is whether
the wife—a church member—is looking for a way out of the marriage, convinced in
faith that this is the only way to honor God; however, this motive is doubtful,
given the available facts. More likely this is not so much a faith issue, per
se, as one of spousal frustration.
There are not enough details to make the case scenario a
textbook case for why Christians should only marry other Christians, but it
makes for a good lesson to that effect. And sadly, the fact that wife is a
member (active? new? remarried?) and her husband an unbeliever is the root of
their troubles and will continue to be a draft on the pilot light of their
marriage.
As I finish off this newsletter article, it occurs to
me just how little my wife and knew about marriage (I was 22, she was 21—so young!).
And while it hasn't always been perfect over the last 34 years, our marriage
has become better and stronger when we acknowledge that its designer, God, is
the glue that holds it together.
That’s it until next month…
Peace by with you,
Pastor E.B.
